Concerns over land rights are central to the political attitudes of many citizens across the west. Although for anyone not here, you may not know it except for the occasional Bundy flare ups—their stand at the Malheur Wildlife Reserve being the most recent. While these incidents may provide newsworthy spectacles for people to color, or rather off-color, with knee jerk commentary, there are more insidious movements always beneath the surface. From whom do these movements issue? What bowels dare profane America’s liberties? Who else, after all, but America’s enemy from time immemorial….the communists! That is, from communists embodied in their most recent form, outdoorsmen and wilderness lovers at large, who’d slap from the market its inviolable hand and advocate for federally protected public land. But no fear, America! Though the Bundys may have fallen, the Texans have arrived, and they’re going to prove how laissez faire land grabbing is fun for everyone, mostly.
First enter the billionaires. Recently it has been reported that two Texas brothers have bought up hundreds of thousands of acres in Montana and Idaho. Of course, the liberal media bemoans this as a cautionary tale with its claim that: “Many of these acres were historically used by hunters, anglers, snowmobilers, and other outdoor enthusiasts.” You can read for yourself here…
But what one must keep in mind is now that the lowly despoilers and locals have been fenced out, the truly successful among us have been granted greater access. And should that not encourage us all to cut throat our way to top as national prosperity would have by design? Regional character, community, and goodwill be damned! We could all benefit more from such callousness.
Enter Ted Cruz… This revered patriot and senator is the second instrumental Texan, for where the billionaires were able to buy state land up for purchase, there were limits to their reach. And limits Uncle Ted does not abide. He would have it so all federal land is turned over to the state for their better management or sale, but mostly, we can assume for their sale, because that’s exactly what state track records show them doing. Hurray!
Now the fun can begin.
What we will have done is made permissible large game reserves, not unlike in Africa, where rather than an elephant tail, you, worthy citizen, could collect the antlers from the last big game animals on our continent, completely guided and without any effort of your own. Or hell, with that amount of land, maybe elephant tails, too, could be arranged. See what they’ve done here…
But I know, I know… There may be a few of you who’ve all but abandoned such ambitions as landing in that moneyed class, and you might be wondering, well, where does this leave me? The answer, I’m happy to report, is the couch. Yes, in its comfort and security, for you see, there will be TV shows where you can watch the guided hunt’s excitement and interludes that unfold the drama and laughter behind the scenes. And if that’s not enough, we’ll all feel superior together too, for on the next channel you might find another show portraying bulked up bearded guys with high-speed rifles patrolling the fence’s perimeter, snuffing out the few insolent and immoral outdoorsman and wilderness lovers who remain and dare trespass on the private domain. As I said, fun for everyone, mostly.